The year so far has definitely been challenging. On the whole I'm pretty competitive, but as you can see by the title, I'm not exactly referring to a board game.
At the end of each year friends and family will talk and reflect on the events that have occurred, summarising it as either a crap year or a great year. So far, 2017 has been everything I hoped it would be. I can already say there has been so much change (which I usually say is a good thing). Nevertheless some of that change wasn't my choice; which has really required me to stay strong and keep my head up.
I've been reflecting a lot recently on the concept of trust. If I look back on the lengths of friendships and relationships I have had, it's safe to say I put the most trust in those that stayed the longest. With this, there has come a lot of hurt. I had my first heartbreak when I was 15, which was the result of my first boyfriend and my best friend. It may sound strange, but I'm grateful for the lies and the deceit now as I have learnt to truly value the good people in my life. If I look at how I handle situations now, I still think I'm pretty hurt and affected by it all. I won't go into the specifics, it isn't appropriate. You may call me crazy if you know the circumstances, but I've forgiven all those involved and just moved on.
Four years later and I haven't let the people from my past stop me from creating new relationships with new people, in fact I think I love even harder now. This is where i'm stuck. Theres honestly no real conclusion to this blog.
I have met several people within the last year who I truly believed would be in my life forever. These were the people I could approach with anything. We'd chat about the past and we'd dwell on the present, so understanding and considerate of one another. It is so difficult when you value someone so highly and you then loose them, trust me. (How ironic..)
It doesn't matter how many friends you have when you loose somebody that is really important. It is one of the most heartbreaking things that could happen to you, and despite everyone else that is there, it can still leave you feeling really lonely. Relationships and friendships aren't transparent, there is a lot to work out and its hard. I just can't comprehend how you can knowingly ruin the trust you have with somebody, and then pretend you still care.
Nevertheless, I would still encourage anyone I know to love 100% and trust 100%, because until you get hurt it's a great thing. At the moment I do feel pretty rough, but I have some good people around me. You will meet a million people in your life, so you really shouldn't let the people that didn't want you, affect you from meeting people who do.
At the moment I don't really think I want to let go.
Have I got through something harder?
Yes? Then surely everything is going to be okay. Life is definitely testing, but I know it can also be incredible.
Have you felt like nothing is going your way before?
Yes? There are always many more opportunities around the corner.
Sorry I haven't written for a while, I guess I've felt a little lost and deflated. If anyone ever needs to talk I'm always here, even if we've never spoken before.